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The last couple of months have been a blur of "what else do I need to do today?" and "what activity would give me the most joy?" I'm not complaining. It's exactly where I want to be. It's been great having books to promote again. Source Point Press has gifted me a completely new audience and I'm grateful for that.

This year has been tough on all of us, for an unquantifiable variety of reasons. Having a place to focus and channel that energy has been helpful. Between promoting and writing new stories, I've had a very productive year. And emotionally, I've made progress that I didn't think was possible, placing me on a completely new path.

That's not to say I haven't had some "oh fuck, oh shit, what the hell is happening" moments. I've had a lot of them. I've dealt with some anger that I didn't know was hiding under the surface. Resentments that I've identified, observed and started healing. Small steps that have grown into giant leaps.

I have learned to be more present with an eye on the future, rather than the past. I'm asking myself bigger questions about my ultimate happiness. Examining security and fulfillment in my life and the roles that they play. Understanding that I determine my own value and the idea that anyone else has a say is just... wrong.

I'm afraid that social media has taught us it is no longer acceptable to be ordinary and the temptation to build a wall of validation around us for protection is stronger than its ever been.

We have to fight the urges to hide away or compare ourselves with the carefully manicured projections of others. It's wasted energy and time - both of which are in short supply these days.

2020 is like an upsidedown rollercoaster in the dark. Some days it's almost as if we have too much time on our hands, but looking back, the last few months have felt like Groundhog Day. The repetition. The patterns. Clinging to comforts just to get by, while chasing our dreams and trying to find our place in the world.

I have a new appreciation for PATIENCE, which has never been my strong suit. Our reality over the last decade has been built on smarter, faster, stronger, better. Anything less than that can feel like failure, but it's not. It's a leftover construct from what now feels like "the old world", and I'm not sure it applies like it once did. I think it's ok to step back from it all, although the feeling is a little alien to me.

So how do we get what we want out of life?

The art of manifestation should go something like this -

- Clarify what you want

- Believe you have what you need to attract it

- Trust yourself to know when and how to act

- Surrender to allow the "universe" (or God, or whatever you prefer) to provide

None of these steps have been easy for me. I was raised to believe that I wasn't worthy of good things. That I didn't have much value. Which, by the way, isn't particularly fun to look at, and explains, (completely), my determination and focus on creating something, (a book, for example), that someone can validate, thereby validating me.

Something or someone that says: "Chris was here and he did a good job. He wasn't useless or worthless. He contributed something meaningful and here's the proof." It's kind of sad, honestly, but in that search for validation, I found something I truly love - telling stories - and I'm eternally grateful for that.

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about how I was trying to promote my book and there were a variety of ways it could go. Selling out the initial print run or not selling enough were two of the options. The truth fell somewhere in the middle. BLACK OF HEART #1 sold well, but didn't sell out. Source Point seemed happy, which means they'll at least consider working with me again (hopefully). The series wasn't cancelled in shame and I don't have a movie deal because of the astronomical sales of my little indie book. The best and worst case scenarios were avoided for what was ultimately a good outcome. I'll take it.

The point is this - I didn't stress about it. I didn't get upset when I got the sales numbers. I promoted the books when and how it occurred to me to promote them. The rest was out of my hands, and that was ok. I tried to stay in the flow, which is a big departure from where I used to be.

If I've learned anything this year, it's that I had been avoiding the things that brought me joy and then wondering why good things didn't come my way. My daily to-do list usually has "writing" on it somewhere, but it was almost always the last thing I'd get to, practically guaranteeing that I wouldn't have good energy to dedicate to it.

I wasn't making my happiness a priority. Guess what happens when you make your own happiness a priority? It attracts more of it into your life.

At a point where my day job was leaving me frazzled and agitated, I started getting up early to write. I was tapping the flow of that energy before my job had a chance to drain it. It helped me turn things around. I reversed the flow of energy and my job started getting a little less stressful because I had accomplished my "joy" before I got to work and brought that energy to it. I was no longer resenting my job for standing in the way of my joy and adjusting my life to work for me by placing things in the order that made the most sense. A little reshuffle.

To go back to the manifest bullets above:

- I know what I want

- I'm working to create the joy I need to attract it

- I'm trusting my intution on how and when to act

- I'm surrendering to the universe to provide or connect things that I cannot control

Will it get me where I'd like to be? Who knows? I'm here though, showing up for the ride and trying to enjoy it. And more than anything else, it's forced me to change my focus, which has changed how I view my life - a small miracle unto itself. I now understand where and how to provide my own happiness so I can stay in that flow. Even understanding that I've worked hard to achieve certain things in my life as a means to show my own value has allowed me to BACK OFF of that view and loosen up. Because working to prove yourself - takes you out of the flow.

The idea of surrender and faith hasn't been easy for me, in general. I've often found myself frustrated by being stuck in two worlds - a day job and a creative passion that I can't seem to get off the ground. Those feelings of frustration are directly related to my expectations. The ego says "I should have this" or "I'll be happy when I've acheived this", but the ego is not you (or me). Find what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place. Don't tie it to a person, place or thing.

The idea of "manifesting" feels a bit icky and woo-woo to me, but the point here is finding what brings you joy, focusing there and letting the rest go. THAT, I can stand by and I'm putting it to the test.

I have no idea where I'll be this time next year, but instead of setting a lofty goal, I think I'll just hope that I'm happier, healthier, stronger, more patient and surrendering more often to the things that are beyond my control.

I hope the same for you too and thank you for reading this today. ❤

In terms of book news - these are the last few days for Preordering BLACK OF HEART Issue 2 from your local comic shop! If you missed the preorders for the first issue or you're finding this late, you can also order the books from the Source Point Store! Please click that link and do so if you haven't already. I'm very excited to share the story with you all!

There is another NEW variant cover that I'll be revealing soon and it's SUPER COOL, plus preorders for Issue 3 are starting in a just a few days, so I'll have news on that too!

As always, follow me on the social medias for the projection of my perfect life and the most up to date news!

Stay tuned, stay safe and keep reading!


1 Comment

Myla Reid
Myla Reid
Aug 02, 2022

Awwesome blog you have here

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